Remembrance
by zeshadesofjustice
Summary: Narcissa's been having trouble sleeping. What keeps her awake you ask? Read it and you'll find out. This tis another story in which Snape survives the war. I've come to enjoy those. This was written for an appreciation challenge, so kudos to those of you who find and recognize the John Green quote in here.


The witch's sleep was fitful.

Severus lay beside her, arm draped across her side to hold her to him when she cried out. The t-shirt she wore, an old white one with the name of some Muggle band his father had liked on it, stuck to her in every place it could. A few moments earlier she had kicked the sheets off of her so that they now lay tangled about her ankles. Every now and then she would move her lips, as if to say something, but not so much as a syllable came forth. And, occasionally, she would whimper and press herself against him until he tightened his grip on her and kissed her cheek, her neck, her jaw.

He knew what it was that bothered her, but there was nothing he could do. She wouldn't allow him to take the memory from her. She refused to take a potion for dreamless sleep. In attempting to beat the nightmares, Narcissa Malfoy was even more determined than Potter had ever been to find him guilty of something at school.

"Severus?" A shaky breath and the sound of his name drew him from his thoughts. Narcissa was awake now, and facing him. Her whole body trembled, as though she were cold. Her eyes, usually a piercing blue, looked almost grey like her son's in the night as she met his eyes. "I can't do this anymore. I can't…handle it."

He moved a strand of her hair that was stuck to her forehead, moved his fingers down her face along her jaw.

"If you saw, you would understand." No more than a whisper.

He stroked her cheek with his thumb. "Then let me."

It was more a demand than a question, but she nodded anyway. She closed her eyes for just a moment, not wanting to go through the emotions again. But this time she wouldn't be alone. Steeling herself, she opened her eyes again and a few seconds later they didn't need words, as memory and thought overtook them both.

The castle was in ruins. Narcissa glanced around her, at the smoke and fires still burning, and was thankful again that it wasn't still continuing. Potter had just finished the Dark Lord, had set the people free. He had rescued them all, and as much as she had been taught to hate him…she couldn't help but be grateful. Serving Voldemort had not been pleasant, and more than once she had regretted being pulled into it. Now, that was over.

But one good thing had come from the resurrection of the wizard, and that had been her relationship with Severus. Without him she would have had a harder time making it through the last three years. Without him, she would have a hard time making it through the next few to come.

Nobody had seen him, not since he fled the castle after dueling McGonagall. She'd been asking everyone she saw…except Potter. He came over to the Malfoys looking tired (not that she could blame him). They exchanged words, though for the life of her she could hardly remember what was said. Until… "Do you know… that is… have you seen Severus?"

Harry looked at the ground and she felt her heart fall. "He's dead, Mrs. Malfoy."

"No! He can't be!" Lucius was shooting her an odd look, and Draco's expression was one of astonishment at her reaction. "Take me to him."

With a glance around, he gave a sigh. "I was going to retrieve his body anyway.. He's one of the heroes now."

They left the castle with hardly another word, neither really speaking until they arrived at the Whomping Willow. The tree, usually so fierce, hardly even twitched. Narcissa glanced up and saw many of its limbs damaged. She gave the trunk an almost apologetic stroke, and cast another look at the golden boy. "I…I think I'll go alone? If that's okay?"

Harry was hesitant. "I should warn you, there's a lot of blood. Voldemort wasn't merciful."

Narcissa sighed. "No… he most definitely wasn't."

"He meant a lot to you? Snape, I mean. I didn't even think… well…"

She threw him a half smile, tinged with bitterness. "We were careful. I am married, at least in law if nothing else." And with that she began making her way into the passageway. The gnarled roots slowed her progress, and she was tempted several times to ask for Harry's help. This was something she had to do on her own, though, and she knew that if she asked him to help he would only keep staying at her side.

Finally, she was inside. The path seemed longer than it really was, and when she at last reached the door in the floor that allowed entrance to the Shrieking Shack, butterflies swarmed all around in her stomach. She pushed it up and pulled herself through, unprepared for the sight that met her eyes.

There were a few slight cracks in the walls, letting slivers of moonlight in. Most of them were small enough that the light barely fell more than a couple inches, but there was one larger one that threw the arc of its light to the edge of the floor. Dust floated as it tried to settle after being disturbed when the door was opened. But the tickle in her nose couldn't distract her from the body.

Still and black, Poe's raven dead and crumpled on the ground. His skin was too white, made to appear more so because of his robes. A pool of blood, some congealed and some still wet, surrounded him. She glanced up at the wall behind him for just a moment and saw dark spots of all sizes…and then, a large smudge that resembled a hand. The image of him grasping at the wood, trying not to fall, was too much. A strangled cry escaped her lips. She flew across the room to him, dropping to her knees at his side.

Her hand hovered over him as though she weren't sure which part of him to touch. And then all of a sudden, it didn't matter anymore. Tears started flowing down her cheeks as she settled her body over him, clutching at the black wool she knew so well. "You can't be gone! Severus, don't do this… Don't leave me alone, not now. Not when everything is going to get better! Please…"

She moved her hands, making her way up him, and when she got to his neck fresh tears burned her eyes. It was ripped to shreds, and she could just make out two puncture wounds high on the left side. Nagini. Voldemort had set his snake to do this when he so easily could have just used the spell. After all Severus had done for him, he couldn't even give him the kinder manner of death.

His jaw was sticky, but that didn't stop her from kissing it. She moved her lips to his and then slumped over, put her head on his chest as she had the nights they had spent together. Her shoulders shook as she cried, and the pounding headache coming on distracted her so she didn't notice the footsteps on the floor behind her.

"Severus!" It was then that the Narcissa lying on the bed gave Severus a little shove, asking him to get out of her mind.

"Cissa, shhh… " She was shaking again, trying to push herself against him even closer although that was impossible. He rubbed her back, murmured to her softly. Clearly, whatever happened next was what frightened her the most. "I'm fine… I'm here…" They lay like that for nearly ten minutes before Narcissa had calmed enough to speak again.

"You don't understand how I feel. I can't sleep without losing you!" She spoke into his chest. "After Potter walked in, he pried me off of you and told me to give up hope you were alive. He saw the attack, he knew you were dead. And then he knocked me out, got us out. And when I woke up, you really were dead…except Potter somehow brings you back so he can let the Wizengamot and the Ministry deal with you and then you want nothing to do with me."

He stroked her hair, let the fine gold twine about his fingers. "That didn't happen, Cissa." His tone was gentle, supportive.

"Then why do I remember it?! Why do I see it _every damn night_?"

"You don't remember what happened. What you remember becomes what happened." He paused. "Potter did come in, yes… and got us out. But as his memory shows, you walked. At St. Mungo's, I was in a coma for several days and after I recovered, I did have to see the Wizengamot and the Ministry. They clearly allowed me to remain out of Azkaban, barely punished me at all in fact, once they realized the truth of what happened. And," he kissed a trail from her jaw to her mouth, "I clearly want everything to do with you."

Her mouth moved against his as she returned the kiss, eyes closing partially. "What can I do to stop it? I don't want to keep remembering."

"Let me take care of you." He covered her body with his and set his mouth to her collar bone. "Remember something better."


End file.
